Tormented

Today, I realized how distant I have become from everyone around me. Not only that, but I have just completely lost interest in everything. I no longer feel like going anywhere or doing anything. Some have said it is depression, but I'm not so sure and to be quite honest, it scares me. I want so bad to fix this, but how can you fix something when you don't even know what it is? I've become really impatient and grumpy lately as well. It's gotten to the point where I no longer want to be around people, but I try to be as social as possible as to not hurt my friends' feelings. I don't want them to think that it's something they did that made me be like this. Maybe church and God is the answer. Maybe once I find I church that I like and really get involved in it, all of this will just go away. I hope.

"I've got to leave; this house is not a home."

My Heart

Here lately, I have been going through a tough time that has caused me not only physical and mental pain, but it has also caused me to distance myself from those closest to me. I distanced myself from these people, when in reality they were the ones that I needed the most. I pushed them away and hurt their feelings without completely realizing it. So to those people, I would like to say I'm sorry. It was totally unintentional. So please don't give up on me. I'm trying my hardest to get my priorities straight. I promise. God is someone else that I have distanced myself from. I have been trying very unsuccessfully to get back into church and to get closer to God. My life is a mess and I need some calmness in the midst of this chaos. I'm hoping I can find a church that provides that. One that will fill the gaps in my heart and cause it to be whole again.

"This heart, it beats, beats for only you."